Nov 7 - Leaving Quito
I thought about staying longer and continuing to study spanish, but felt a little change would be good. Before leaving, I printed pictures and taped them into the guest books of my host family and teachers. A bag of blue mountain coffee from Jamaica also proved handy in sharing something unique with staff members at the school. The act of giving has proved comforting. Like discovering a sun soaked blanket after sitting in a cold room all day. There's a light that I've noticed in people's faces when using written words pointing positive attention towards their personalities - as if shining a spotlight on corners of their inner selves that often get overlooked.
(My teacher Angelica)
(My host family)
Nov 8 - El Oriente
Do you believe in the signs of life? I do. I believe they've been leading me along this very journey. I used to connect dots backwards in the realization of how my past and present align. But recently, I've been using faith in these signs as a way to connect where I am today with where I should go tomorrow. While I was in Jamaica, I met another traveler who passively mentioned to me as I was leaving, "if you plan on visiting the Amazon, you should do it from Ecuador".
I didn't want to go to the Amazon, heck I was supposed to be in Colombia. But that one sentence sparked a chain reaction in my mind piecing together a four year recurring theme. The first time the Amazon came up was in 2010, I was in Argentina. A guy was telling me about shamanism and how he had just come back from the jungle. I remember being intrigued by his stories but nothing more. In 2012, I was in Southeast Asia with my friend Michelle who was about to start med school. I wanted to get back into reading again and asked her for a book recommendation. She told me her favorite book was called the Cosmic Serpeant. It fascinated her because people in the Amazonian jungle said they knew how to use plants to heal because of plant induced visions. On another trip, I was in Peru hiking with a student in a med related field. She mentioned she was interested in natural medicine. I remembered the book and decided to send her my copy for Christmas. I never got a chance to read it and haven't thought about that book up until downloading an electronic copy for this trip. Four different countries, four different people, one common theme. The Amazon was calling to me. Why?
I immediately began reading about El Oriente, the Amazonian province here in Ecuador. So many great stories and recommendations from people in books and on the net. I read about shamanism, ayahuasca and cleansing ceremonies, both the positive and the negative, wondering if I was destined for a vision quest of my own. So many possibilities.. I knew I had to head there after my time in Quito. I spent my time in the city visiting all the tour companies after school and comparing the various packages, but I never booked. It wasn't until I wrote my last entry that I realized what was important to me - the people. I needed to learn more about these indigenous communities, their history and traditions. I changed my search from the jungle lodges to the communities within. And found myself organizing with a company in Tena specializing in Eco tourism and community placement. I found a small tucked away community named Rio Blanco that was situated in the jungle just outside of Tena. They specialized in community life, health and shamanism. It was best aligned to the signs I was following, so I decided to go for three days to see what I'd find.
Nov 9 - Rio Blanco
I am in the Amazon staying with a private community of about 80 people. There are no other tourists, just me and a Swiss guy I met in Quito that wanted to come along. No one speaks English. They speak Quichua with a little bit of Spanish. We have a 21 year old guide. We are staying with her family and she speaks Spanish slow enough for us to comprehend. One of the first things out of my mouth when we arrived in the community, "what do you have on your teeth?" Her response, "my teeth, these are my teeth." I turned beet red. She had sparkles on her two front teeth. I thought they were stick on jewels or something, but they were small gold fillings. I shied away as she led us into her home.
The house was pieced together with unfinished wood planks. Out front were large tarps with coffee beans drying in the warm Amazonian sun. We were surrounded by the green of the jungle and the dirt of the land. Her whole family was there to greet us. Three of her sisters, four of their children, and her parents. Nine girls, and the man of the house. Their features were all so similar as if they were carved from the exact same mold just in different sizes. They wore normal clothes, but their indigenous bloodline was evident.
We learned about their lives, traditions, and their land. We hiked through the jungle, played soccer in the community and helped bag the dried coffee beans with the rest of the family. The facilities were humbling. A shower drawing water from the river with a sheer mesh curtain looking into the kitchen and a toilet without a seat. No windows or doors throughout most of the house, just open sections of wood, some covered with hanging sheets or clothes.
We spent most of our time sitting outside watching the kids play. Chatting in broken spanish and observing. It was a special experience and one that I will not soon forget.
Nov 11 - The White Wolf
The next few days with the community were spent in the jungle learning about plants, medicine, and their life style. We harvested yucca, planted banana trees, learned to set traps and ate traditional meals all from the land. We learned to shoot blow darts and heard about the family's history.
When it was time to leave, the look in the eyes of the parents was something I'd seen before. They were sad to see us go for it wasn't just us leaving, all the kids were headed back to the main town as well. I saw the same look when I said goodbye to my parents. The watery eyed realization of both gratitude for the time spent together, and the grief behind letting that time go. This community reminded me of home, not just because of that look, but of something deeper. I remembered visiting the provinces of the Philippines when I was a child. Playing with chickens that would soon be my dinner, getting water from a well, living simply. My family came from this. Humble and poor beginnings. Not needing much to be happy and connected. We were the same. Different skin, different places in the world, but united by the universal language of emotion... This realization made me think about going home or heading straight to the Philippines to use my time to be with family. But there was something else I found in the Amazon. The reason I was called here.
They revealed that they were a family of doctors with three shaman currently serving the community. Their garden was filled with different medicinal plants including the infamous ayahuasca root. We spent the day observing the preparation of the drink that was to be used during the cleansing ceremony we had arranged for the evening. We were mentally preparing for what was ahead as our guide explained her past vision and how the ceremony pulls together past, present, and future. After dinner I asked why we had eaten such a big meal before the ceremony. It was then that we realized that the ayahuasca wasn't for us, it was for the shaman who would use it to summon visions in order to tell us our future. I was a bit disappointed as I thought this journey was leading me to a vision of my own. I told the family about why I was there and why the ceremony was important to me. I asked if there was an option to drink the root based elixir in the company of the shaman. They told me no, because I was not prepared. They said I would probably throw up and get uncontrollable diarrhea, a thought that was discomforting enough for me to let go of my desires to participate. In my mind, I had already accepted the lesson I had found and was ready to go into the ceremony with an open mind and letting go of my preconceived notion of what this experience would be like.
The ceremony was being held in the kitchen. They closed the room off and placed six seats in a circle. The shaman, a middle aged man in jeans and a polo shirt sat closest to the door. Our guide and her parents sat to the right holding hands, while my travel companion and I sat on a bench to the left.
The mother brought a cup of the ayahuasca to the shaman which he gulped down. He didn't appear to enjoy it as he shook his head and clenched his teeth before and after drinking it. She then brought me a cup with the same amount of liquid in it. I told them I no longer wanted to drink it but they said it would be okay. I turned to the shaman and asked if it was dangerous. He said no and that I merely needed to relax my body and my mind and be at peace.
The liquid looked like syrupy root beer. The moment I drank it, I could feel it working its way through my body. They passed me a cup of guayusa to rinse my mouth. Then we waited.
The shaman and I took turns blowing out heavy breaths, leaning over in a position ready to vomit at any moment. I calmed my mind and told myself all would be well as we continued to sit for another twenty minutes. They turned the lights off as we sat in silence.
The shaman was holding a plant in his hand. It looked like a boquet of leaves wrapped together like a shaggy green duster. I stared at the floor, embracing the uneasiness of my stomach. I was dizzy and began to sweat even though I was chilly. I stared at the plant, the shamans hands, and again at the floor. It was then that I had my vision.
I watched as the shadow of this plant transformed before my eyes. It had turned into a shadow of a wolf which then climbed into my lap before disappearing. I scanned the room again before turning my gaze back down to the floor. The shadows had once again transformed. This time into the face of a wolf. I stared at it until it again disappeared. I sat up and looked straight ahead and there, clear as day was the face of a white wolf.
We stared at each other peacefully for what seemed like minutes. Our eyes were locked as if staring into each other's souls. I blinked and again it had disappeared. I scanned the room and noticed a white form sitting on a shelf in the distance. It was the wolf watching over the ceremony. The shaman was chanting now and called me to sit down before him. I looked out into the room as he rhythmically brushed my body and patted my head with his sacred plant. He whistled softly as I opened my eyes to once again see the face of the white wolf. I felt my body strengthen as my shoulders pulled back. I thought about strength, peace, and the positive nature of my soul. I looked at the the animal and again closed my eyes. This time feeling a transformation of sorts, a union with the wolf..
That was the end of my vision.
Shorty after the cleaning, the room began to settle. Others in the room participated in the ceremony, but I was the only one that drank ayahuasca. I tried to tell the shaman and others about the wolf but could not explain myself in Spanish. I asked about my journey and where it would lead me. He said - "your travels will be peaceful, you will encounter many friends, but it is very important you remain at peace."
We went to bed shortly after and even though I could barely see straight, the visions stopped. They said I was very strong for not throwing up or losing control of my bodily functions. I felt different but needed to understand the significance of the wolf.
When I got back to Tena I was able to do some research. According to shamanic teachings, my vision was of my spirit guide; my animal totem presenting himself to me. These animals are not chosen. They choose you and are always there to guide you. My spirit guide is the white wolf.
"when you are feeling lost and do not know where to go... he guides you, he will be your protector as you make your journey on a new unexplored path, as you gain inner sight, wisdom, experience and confidence you will bond with Wolf becoming one of the pack, or he one of yours. But to venture into the forest means that you must be willing to face your own deepest fears. Wolf must venture deep into the forest to find what he requires for sustenance and growth, long ago he cast away his fear of the unknown. He has faced and conquered his deepest fears and now he walks the forest at night with supreme confidence.
This time can seem lonesome and scary to you. But it is also the time when through dreams, you may discover valuable things about yourself. This is a lonely path. To truly come to understand yourself, you must be alone, undeterred by the beliefs, judgements and views of others. The wolf teaches you to learn about your inner self and to discover your inner power and strength. However, to achieve this, you must take risks and face your deepest fears. Wolf requires sincerity. Though demanding a lot of you, much is given in return; a spirit helper that is always there to help, giving you extraordinary powers of endurance. Learn to hear the voice within yourself, which in silence is as clear as the sound of the wolf howling in the night.
If Wolf finds you, this means you are a great teacher or thinker. Be receptive to new concepts/ideas. By doing so you can gain more wisdom. Wisdom is gained through experience, by walking the path.
When a lone wolf is presented it embodies freedom. To see a wolf in your dream symbolizes survival, beauty, solitude, mystery, self-confidence and pride. You are able to keep your composure in a variety of social circumstances and blend into any situation with ease and grace.
To see a white wolf in your dream signifies valor and victory. You have the ability to see the light even in your darkest hours..."
There are many that might say this is a bunch of bologna. But to be called to the Amazon and to encounter a spirit guide with a description as fitting as that is much more than coincidence. This isn't a form of religion. The community I stayed with was catholic. I am not sure what this is, but for now I feel safer than I did before and more drawn into the unknown than ever.
There are parts of this world that are calling to me. They have been for years even before this vision. I don't know what they will present or if they'll be connected. But there's only one way to find out. Until then, the memory of the Rio Blanco community will be with me. And now I know, the white wolf will be forever by my side.
